why is it that everytime the same things happen over and over again?
we talk things out,
we promise things,
we do everything we can..
(or perhaps you think i didn't do anything)
we are okay for a moment, but not the next moment..
things are getting more and more out of hand..
we say awful things in a fit of anger..
we shout when we're angry..
we just keep quiet when we're unhappy..
things ain't the same anymore..
how i treat you, you treat me back..
how you treat me, i treat you back..
i don't think things should work this way..

i don't know how long more we can tahan..

been awhile since i blogged, and i'm feeling bored at home..
it's been almost a month since i had an operation on my nose.. it's getting better though at times one side still gets blocked.. i can still remember what did the doctor did when i went..
my grandma, mum, aunt and cousin were to with me.. but when the doctor asked for me, all of them stayed at the reception to wait for me.. the doctor asked my mum if she wants to stay with me, my mum said, 'eeee, don't want.. i don't dare to see..'
first, the doctor injected anesthetics into my nose and let me rest for awhile.. he then came back and told me that he's going to insert some other injections into my nose.. there'll be 3 things that i'll be experiencing.. firstly, my heart will beat very fast.. and gosh.. it did beat damn fast.. i felt damn uncomfortable, as if i was going to die any moment.. noone was there for me and i felt really helpless.. secondly, the thing will make my mouth numb as well, so for the first hour or so, i can't eat.. thirdly, it's very bitter and i will feel it when i swallow my saliva.. and man, its really very bitter..
the doctor was standing in front of my eyes where i can see exactly what he was doing.. the knives, the needles, everything.. i just hoped that i was sleeping or something..
the whole thing didn't take too long.. less than 20mins, i guess.. and i need to wash my nose with syringe with water and some sodium powdery thing.. it tastes very saltish and the feeling was like when you go swimming and water gets into your nose..
been going back for check-up every week.. and i was there alone, again.. last week and today, i don't know what the doctor did that tears just rolled down my eyes.. it was damn painful..
i don't know if my nose will be well from now on, or will there be any chances of relapse.. all i know is i spent 1.6k.. damn it..

i received this email and thought that i'd share with you guys cause i think it somehow shows my thoughts..

YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY
Achieving your own happiness is the best measure of how well you are living your life and enjoying your relationships.

Everyone is Different
Happiness in life is like a smorgasbord. If 100 people went to a smorgasbord and each put food on their plate in the quantity and mix that each felt would be most pleasing to him, every plate would be different. Even a husband and wife would go up to the smorgasbord and come back with plates that looked completely different. Happiness is the same way. Everyone requires a particular combination of ingredients to feel the very best about themselves.

Listen to Your Heart
In addition to that; your individual mix is changing continually. If you went to the same smorgasbord every day for a year, you’d probably come back with a different plateful of food each time. Each day, and even each hour can bring a new perspective in defining what it takes to make you happy. Therefore, the only way to judge whether a job, a relationship, or any decision is right for you, it is important that you get in touch with your feelings and listen to your heart.

Be True to Yourself
You are true to yourself only when you follow your inner voice. Ralph Waldo Emerson called this “the still, small voice within." You also only become the very best person you can be when you have the courage and the fortitude to allow your definition of happiness, whatever it may be, to be the guiding light of every part of your life.

There Are No Limits
A very important point on the subject of happiness is whether or not you feel that you "deserve" to be happy. Accept the notion that you deserve all the happiness you can honestly attain through the application of your talents and abilities. The more you like and respect yourself, the more deserving you will feel of the good things in life. And the more deserving you feel, the more likely you will attain and hold on to the happiness you are working toward.

Make Happiness Your Key Measure
Happiness should be the organizing principle of your life. Compare every possible action and decision you make against your standard of happiness to see whether that action would make you happier or unhappier. Soon, you will discover that almost all of the problems in your life come from the choices that you have made, or are currently making that do not contribute to your happiness.

Pay the Price
Needless to say there are countless times when you will have to do the little things that don't make you happy to achieve the larger things that you know will ultimately make you very happy. I call this paying the price of success in advance. You must pay your dues. Sometimes these interim steps don't make you happy directly or immediately, but the happiness you achieve from attaining your goal will be far greater in comparison to the temporary inconveniences and dissatisfactions you have to endure in order to get there.


There are no excuses. You are the master of your future happiness. So be happy, and don’t worry.

is this easy to achieve? why does it seem difficult to me? why can't i be happy? what's wrong with me? why am i feeling the same way most of the time? what decisions should i make in order to be happy?
can someone please enlighten me??

FEVER, COUGH, FLU------------- H1N1!!!!!!!!!!!

these are the sickness that i've gotten since saturday.. on saturday, fever was 38.5.. and on sunday, it became 39!! i went to the clinic and below is the conversation between the nurse and i:

nurse: did you make any appointment?
me: nope...
nurse: if never, then you need to wait till around 1pm cause i've many appointments right now..
me: (looking at the clock which shows 11.30 and in my heart thinking.. bloody hell.. still need to wait for so long!!) but ends up saying okay...
nurse: do you have fever?
me: ya..
nurse: (taking the thermometer and measuring my temperature) wah.. 39 degrees.. let me get a mask for you..
me: speechless (but stil puts on the mask)
nurse: (scribbles on a piece of paper and pass it to me) i'll let the doctor know that you're having a high fever and i'll see what she says
me: (looks at the paper with "56" written on it and some illegible handwriting, then turned to look at the queue display outside the doctor's room which read "25"!!)

26 was called, then 27, 28.. i was so thirsty i went to watson's beside it and bought a mineral water (with the mask on).. when i went back to the clinic, the display read 28 still.. but i heard the nurse calling.. amanda, you may go in now!! i guess it has got to be the high fever man.. and the doctor is afraid that i'm going to spread to the rest of her patients.. lol

i can't remember what exactly did the doctor say.. but there were 5/6 kinds of medications for me.. it was hell! esp the cough syrup.. it is the worse type of medication out of so many!! really hate it! even though i still am coughing, but no way am i going to continue drinking the cough syrup..

fever has subsided, flu is as usual since like the day i was born.. and yesterday was my stomach again.. been having the same problem since long time ago.. not sure what it was.. seems like gastric, but i haven't been skipping my meals.. it's just painful and it makes me feel nausea.. (and no, i'm not pregnant, if you're thinking of that) i really need a full body check-up..

i've been home for 4 straight days!! back to work today and work was hell!! so many things to follow-up once i step into office and i didn't even have time to go to the washroom, not to mention have lunch! this is a torture man!!

next sat will be the appointment for my radiofrequency on my nose.. 1pm.. i don't know what is that, and i don't know what will happen to me after that.. i still don't feel scared, yet.. i think i just want to enjoy after that.. lol.. i feel it's been a long time since i went shopping! i want to shop! it's the GSS and there're so many things i want to buy!!!

Amanda Lim
11th Nov


the Sun, the Beach
the Fireworks
the Beautiful Night Scenary
the Chocolates
the Ice-Cream
the Fries, the Tidbits
the One Who
Wants to Be Pampered